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Joke of the Day

"Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else."

"What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger."

"What's the difference between a man and a margarita? A margarita hits the spot every time."

"DETECTIVE: what do you think killed these two birds? ME: [picking up the only stone near their bodies] idk maybe the bird flu."

"Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back."

"Two dogs meet on the street and sniff each other... Finally one says, ""I don't recall your name but your feces familiar."""

"Teach a man to Google how to fish and he'll wind up looking at fish porn for the rest of his life."

"Had a little dog named Mustard, he didn't relish me so he ran away. I couldn't catch up."

"crisis in the morning, crisis in the evening, crisis at suppertime. in an indifferent universe, you can have an existential crisis anytime!"

"Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day."