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Joke of the Day
"Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list? Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands"
Next Joke
"There is no such thing as a fear of flying... But a fear of falling on the other hand...."
"Why didn't the engineer cross his own bridge? Because he didn't truss it."
"If Donald Trump has been married three times... Does that make Melania the ""Third Lady""?"
"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"
"If all my Facebook friends followed me on twitter, I'd be dragged to church for an exorcism."
"I thought nothing could be more embarrassing than finding my dad's playboys in the closet. Until one of them tried to shake my hand."
"""He's gone too far."" ""He crossed the line between science & ethics."" ""He's playing God."" -reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets"
"How do you get three drunk, rowdy Canadians out of a pool? Ask them to get out of the pool."
"(NSFW) If Hillary Clinton was 36 and had 40 years of capital hill experience, I'd put my ballot in her box"