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Joke of the Day

"I thought nothing could be more embarrassing than finding my dad's playboys in the closet. Until one of them tried to shake my hand."

"[rap battle] [my opponent attempts to drop the mic, but I stealthily tied it to his finger so it just comes back up like a yo-yo]"

"Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck. If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica."

"Never Give Up! by Percy Vere"

"My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Countdown with them ""What's that?"", I replied, ""Dracula's retarded brother?"""

"What did Silicon say to Germenaium ? Got dope ?"

"I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year. But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung"

"What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction? Jail break."

"I'm certain my job is interfering with my drinking"

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex. ....my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."