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Joke of the Day

"Barry decided that because he had talked himself out of suicide every other day, today he would do it. Poor fucker always did take opposite day a bit too seriously."

"My girlfriend asked me if I had a secret pet name for her. Judging by the look on her face, 'sperm whale' was not an appropriate answer."

"How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods? Pretty good. ( )"

"What is Captain Hook's favorite kind of humor? Dead Pan."

"Due tomorrow, do tomorrow."

"What did the earthquake say to the tornado? It's not my fault."

"What do you call spaghetti that carries a fake ID? an impasta!"

"If Kevin Bacon ever killed someone, the best a prosecutor could probably do is convict him of 6th degree murder."

"If I could have any superpower, I would pick China."

"My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great! None have been shot down so far!"