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Joke of the Day

"If Kevin Bacon ever killed someone, the best a prosecutor could probably do is convict him of 6th degree murder."

"So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you're talking shit about them."

"Apple scraps a new product... I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented IPod after realizing that ""ITouch Kids"" is not a good product name."

"My 16yo daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it's ok to leave her alone with him."

"Like I was telling my friends, my wife walked into a door. and that pissed me off so I hit her."

"How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to keep browsing Reddit and another to get someone else to do it."

"[blind date is waiting nervously at the table] *I slowly emerge out of my own massive vape cloud and begin walking towards her*"

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"

"What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light? Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself."

"How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Let's go ride our bikes."