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Joke of the Day

"A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender looks right at him and says, "" Hey! Don't you go starting anything!"""

"You're the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work."

"My five-year-old: ""I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT!"" No two-week notice or anything. She'd better not expect a reference."

"We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter."

"My favorite yoga pose is ""try to cut the toenail"""

"Why do Australians always win 4D chess? Double check, mate"

"What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare!"

"I estimate 70% of my work conversations are just me quoting made up statistics."

"How many people with Alzheimer's did it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side."

"BREAKING NEWS: North Korea may test a missil on April 10. They just need to find a gigantic bottle of Coke and a huge Mento."