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Joke of the Day

"My five-year-old: ""I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT!"" No two-week notice or anything. She'd better not expect a reference."

"Me: How many legs does the dog have? 4 y.o: Five Me: There's something wrong with your counting. 4: There's something wrong with the dog."

"Have you heard about... Alex Trebex? His job is in jeopardy."

"My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick I just get so tired of calling him David"

"There's a doctor here to see you. Doctor who? No, I think it's a non time traveling one."

"THE GREATEST JOKE OF ALL TIME YOU..."

"Gold, frankincense, but wait... there's myrhh"

"I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team"

"All I want in this world is some one I can turn to and yell, ""Avenge Me!!"" if I'm dying or wrongly accused of a crime. Oh and rocket shoes"

"How do you know the guy sucking your dick is gay? He's holding it with his pinky in the air."