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Joke of the Day

"When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun"

"I became rich by selling fertilizer. I have some very prosperous phosphorus."

"Why Christmas is like a job day? You do all the work but the big fat man in suit get the credits"

"At one time I had majority ownership shares in the UK top BBQ company. Somedays I wish I never sold my stake."

"A genie asked me if I wanted a good memory or a big penis. Guy: A genie asked me if I wanted a good memory or a big penis. Friend: What did you choose? Guy: I don't remember."

"What are you doing tonight? Your wife."

"What should you do when you see a spaceman? Park in it, man."

"So I was walking down the street the other day, and saw this black guy... carrying a tv. At first I thought, ""Hey, that looks like mine!"" But then I remembered mine is at home shining my shoes."

"I don't understand why everyone is so passionate about sports; it's all just bullsh - HEY! YOU! NO! DARTH VADER DOES NOT HAVE A GREEN SABER!"

"Is there any Indian left? No, there's naan left."