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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the baby with the gigantic, record-setting head? The mother called it a crowning achievement."

"Why did the vacuum get a raise? Because it sucked at its job."

"If 9/11 happened in Vegas, no one would have ever known due to that silly motto."

"Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements? Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)"

"a proper response to girl calling ""amy?"" in ladies bathroom wouldve been silence. but instead i yelled YOU WON'T FIND YOUR PRECIOUS AMY HERE"

"""God is good all the time!"" Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes."

"My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!"

"*slaps the cup out of the barista's hand* ""No. I want Asriel, the guy with the man-bun, to make my latte. He has a better energy"""

"Did you hear about the French chef that committed suicide? He lost the huile d'olive."

"How are expecting to cure cancer when we as a society can't figure out how to merge into traffic correctly?"