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Joke of the Day

"Pal: That's an impressive stingray. How'd you catch it? Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way."

"Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up."

"SKETCH ARTIST: *holds up drawing of a single bit of straw* CAMEL: [in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes] That's him!"

"What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? ""Beat it - we're closed."""

"When I have kids I'm going to tearfully serve them scrambled eggs smothered in ketchup & tell them it's Humpty Dumpty."

"My buddy purchased a book called ""Double Your Dating"" So I asked him if he could multiply 0 X 2."

"i'm so bad at rock-paper-scissors, last time i accidently joined a street gang."

"What is the handicap parking like at the special olympics."

"A guy calls his local butchery... - Do you have chicken paws? - Yes - Do you have chicken wings? - Yes, I do - Do you have pig's head? - Sure - You must look really funny then"

"50 shades of grey Girl 1: Hey have you read 50 shades of grey yet? Girl 2: Yes! From cover to cover! Girl 1: And the index? Girl 2: Exhausted..."