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Joke of the Day

"Remember the game where you would take turns yelling, ""Penis!"" in public? Life was so simple before 9/11."

"hate how my phone sometimes autocorrects haha to hahahahaha. im trying to end a conversation not laugh harder than i ever have in my life."

"Police Officer: Why did you lead me on a five-state chase? Driver: I love to travel."

"What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail? ""Lettuce Go!"""

"My kitten is probably the most playful creature on the planet, but it's less cute when you realize it's all just bird murder practice."

"A horse walks into a bar in Area 51 and the bartender asks [punchline has been deleted by the American Government]"

"Always remember that you're someone's reason to smile.. Because you are a joke."

"On this day in 1969, the 1st episode of Scooby Doo appeared on TV, beginning a golden age of teenagers getting high in the back of vans."

"Did you know statistically you're more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a breadknife"

"May god bless German engineering, Italian cooking, and English humor. And may god damn Italian engineering, English cooking, and German humor."