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Joke of the Day

"Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for playing a mentally unstable drug addict.And then Charlie Sheen was like, ""You can get an award for that?"

"America & UK are competing to see who can fuck up their country the most... UK is in the lead... but America has a Trump card."

"I think there should be a small amount of weed in every first aid kit."

"I like my women like I like my coffee ground up and in the freezer."

"What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common? They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen."

"Two termites walk into a bar... ""Excuse me sir, is the bar tender here?"""

"No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e."

"What was the pedophile doing on the beach? Just kidding"

"If you're havin AutoCorrect problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 parabolas bit s butch Saint omg."

"What does a redneck say for foreplay? ""Brace yourself, Linda-Lou"""