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Joke of the Day

"""how'd your football team football today?"" those footballers footballed quite well...really good footballin'"

"Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty."

"On the fifth day to election, the public gave to me... Five Gallup polls Four awful choices Three Trump Steaks Two more WikiLeaks And a cache of Clinton emails!"

"What's Ted Cruz's favorite food? Boogers. This isn't a joke. Ted Cruz eats his boogers."

"My wife died last week It's ironic because her zodiac symbol was cancer. She was killed by a giant crab"

"Why did Eric Clapton move from PC to Mac? He had a bad experience with Windows"

"Of course Tom Brady got twice the suspension Ray Rice did. Ray Rice only beat his wife, Tom Brady beats everybody."

"""Sir u have a hernia"" ""Haha c'mon doc don't u mean a HISnea?"" ""No I meant hern-"" ""Im obviously a guy. How did u even get a medical license?"""

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person."

"So Mary and Joseph finally consummate the marriage Joe checks the sheets, turns to Mary and says, ""You really expect me to believe God broke your hymen?"""