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Joke of the Day

"Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty."

"To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you.. You have my Word."

"Girlfriend told me she wanted to see our kids so I came in her eye"

"Procrastination - Making a better today, tomorrow"

"I think I wasted my 15 minutes of fame trying to save money on car insurance."

"My naked wife fell on the floor as she was climbing into bed. 5 second rule?"

"Rape. Short word, long sentence!"

"A blonde is walking down the street with a pig on a leash. Someone approaches and says, ""Cool! Where did you get that?"" The pig replies, ""I won her in a raffle."""

"What is the similarity between a porn-actress and Jesus? They're both getting nailed."

"You remember those yardsticks? They don't make them any longer."