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Joke of the Day

"Someone called me racist for saying ""black paint"" Apparently the politically correct term is ""Tyrone, please paint the fence""."

"Not all my tweets are true. For example if ""sex"" and ""lack"" are not in the same tweet then the polygraph will probably run out of ink."

"Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir."

"Jesus didn't know how to close a door. He was born in a barn."

"[trying to do standup] u kno whats funy [someone yells 'society!'] nno [entire audience starts laughig] wait [audience laughs louder] stop"

"If they just built prisons out of the shit they package electronics in, no one would ever escape."

"What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down? Guess I can't see what everyone else sees."

"Not everyone that comes into your life needs to stay there."

"I'm not saying I've gained weight, I'm just saying I don't think my belt buckle should be facing the ground..."

"Me: ""Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?"" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot."