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Joke of the Day

"Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir."

"So, my girlfriend is a porn star . . . . . . she is going to be SO pissed when she find out."

"I'm allergic to alcohol... Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs..."

"I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race."

"Me*taps wife's shoulder*Whatcha doin? wife:Meditating me*still tapping*Why? wife: It helps me relax me*still tapping* Is it working? wife:No"

"My car has a GPS, but when I get lost I still usually just end up busting out a globe"

"Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? ""No!"" Oh really. And what's your first name? ""Indiana"" [jury gasps]"

"Al Gore to play role of The Joker in a new Batman Trilogy Why so serial?"

"What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gang rape"

"I can get into aquariums for free, because I donated a whale! I guess my ex's sister was useful for something after all."