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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: Bob, how do you make a nail plural? Dumb Bob: You add S. T: *amazed* Yes! Come up to the board and show us. DB: [writes] SNAIL"

"Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters. (H/T Demetri Martin)"

"What's the difference between having a job and being a homeless drug addict? One takes over your life and turns you into brainless zombie and the other one makes you homeless."

"I gave up on building a house of cards. I couldn't stand it."

"One direction should be renamed 0.8 Direction"

"What is red and smells like blue Froot Loops? The murder-suicide scene at Toucan Sam's Miami penthouse."

"a pastor, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar. he orders a drink...."

"In bed with my Japanese girlfriend when I happened to remark that her twat was getting a bit saggy .......... She lost it and said "" Fack you maddafacka, why you always clittysizing me""!!!"

"I went to the zoo the other day,... there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu."

"I cannot take my new pet cat seriously She's always kitten around"