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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other."

"*whispers to businessman sleeping next to me on bus* Sleep tight precious angel"

"Orc try to get at you? Hobbit like it's hot. Sauron get an attitude? Hobbit like it's hot. *click clack click clack click*"

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, But I soon realized that toucan play that game."

"What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay."

"What is a parrot's favorite game? Hide and Speak!"

"[job interview] ""any public speaking experience?"" not since the valedictorian speech in high school ""very impressive"" I yelled 'YOU SUCK'"

"I'd make an excellent cavewoman because I can finger paint and light fires."

"How do Asian women test for pregnancy? Put a Rubik's Cube in the vagina for exactly one minute and see if it comes out solved."

"""Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?"""