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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying he is out of shape, but... ... he calls the gym 'James' because he doesn't feel familiar enough for nicknames."

"Did you know Ice-T has a half-brother? His name is Arnold Palmer."

"Using a remote control is the closest most of us get to being wizards."

"How many men does it take to moderate /r/MensRights ? None. There are no *men* there."

"An elephant joke... What do you give an elephant with diarrhea? Plenty o' room."

"Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!"

"Do people ever come up and sing your own songs to you? Dave Grohl: Literally all the time Me: What if I say I'm not like the others?"

"What do you call a dinosaur that hates punchlines? MY LEGS! OH GOD, HE'S EATING MY LEGS! AAAAARGGHH!"

"[ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ....please stop"

"If these walls could talk I'd fuckin' move out immediately."