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Joke of the Day

"I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone's gotta have multiple."

"What is the bibliophile's favorite website? Reddit! Courtesy of my 32 year old boyfriend. He cracks himself up."

"You know that you're not a child anymore when... you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch."

"????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- ""Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."""

"I think that the best Christmas present is the one that you make yourself you know? Like, crystal meth."

"Hulk Hogan walks into a tanning salon and drops a saddle on the counter. ""Make me look like this brother!"""

"My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning She asked me how to get her hand out quickly. I told her, ""Dig south for her arm, bae."""

"""WE HERE AT BIG PHARMA RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN YOU'RE DEPENDENT ON ADDICTIVE OPIOID PAINKILLERS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS YOU CAN'T POOP"""

"What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun? Frank"

"So a midget psychic broke out of jail the other day... the headlines read ""small medium at large"""