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Joke of the Day

"""WE HERE AT BIG PHARMA RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN YOU'RE DEPENDENT ON ADDICTIVE OPIOID PAINKILLERS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS YOU CAN'T POOP"""

"I stubbed my toe while visiting my parents. ""Mother fucker!"" My dad pops up, ""Hey! We agreed that you'll stop calling me that and I'll stop calling you 'cunt squatter.'"""

"A patriotic Helen Keller song... ""Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'Maughhghariianoo oohhghhoo onooa oooaughhahg'."""

"After viewing The Aristocrats, What are Redditors version of this joke. Surely this place can come up with some pretty dirty shit for this one."

"Did you hear about the new Jewish car? It stops on a dime and then picks it up."

"I don't like referencing not et al."

"Anyone ever notice how the word ""opinion"" looks like ""onion"", and how if you cut into either, people start crying?"

"I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"

"There were two fish in a tank. There were two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"" How much do pirates pay for their earrings? A buccaneer."

"Barber: Your hair is getting grey Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up will you?"