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Joke of the Day

"I stepped on a grape once. It didn't scream, but it did let out a little whine."

"I try not to associate myself with bowlers They're all a bunch of pinheads"

"How do you throw an egg at the wall without breaking it? With the chicken still around it"

"What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool? Sinko :D"

"How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes? (xpost r/imgoingtohellforthis)"

"You know football is a big sport... ...now that you can buy hair gel that gives you the ""Messi look""."

"5yo: ""Dad we don't have a chimney. How will Santa get in?"" Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what? Me: what?"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... hopefully with the exclusion of my money."

"What do you call the Asian-Mexican master race from outer space? Illegal Aryans"

"THE 45 DIFFERENCE A: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? B: 45 lbs. A: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? B: 45 minutes."