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Joke of the Day

"How can you reuse a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it."

"Doctor: Your baby is 7 pounds! Me: So that's like, what, three dollars?"

"I hate when my iPod earbud cord gets hung on an object and it violently rips the earbud out and I get that murder-y feeling."

"I've finally found something my girlfriend's bum doesn't look big in... ... The distance"

"This, being a gentleman thing really works. Women just fall for me when I offer them my handkerchief. Sure it's dabbed in chloroform..."

"Why do they call it PMS? Because mad cow disease was already taken."

"I'm what you might call 'internet pretty', meaning I'm really your dad."

"My wife says that all she wants is an attentive lover...... ...or maybe it was a tent of lovers. I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention."

"My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So i'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave"

"Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane."