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Joke of the Day

"I like telling people to ""grow up"" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say ""Took my advice I see"""

"It still really upsets me that my dog stopped talking to me around the same time I gave up taking hallucinogenic drugs."

"With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ... ... and please let me know what it is when you've found it."

"Pornhub titles always lack depth, and imagination. Yes, we know college girl tries anal for first time, but whats her major? Her dreams?"

"[airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal"

"I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said: ""You have reached the end of you free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinQuotes.com."""

"How many goals did Germany score? A brazillian"

"[Office] Secretary: Mr. Grey will see you now. Anastasia Steele: I have a ridiculous name."

"Where do dumb aliens go? Area 52"

"Lord of the Rings marathon -Do you know what a Lord of the Rings marathon is? -Yes -But do you know what a Lord of the Rings triathlon is? -No? -That's when you watch all three of them"