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Joke of the Day

"Can I fax something to you? 'Could you fax over a copy?' 'No, I can't fax because of where I live' 'Where do you live?' 'The 21st century'"

"As I mentally undress you my OCD kicks in and I mentally fold all your clothes."

"What's cold and scary?! I-scream!"

"In West Philadelphia born & raised/ through my anus is where I got most of my AIDS - Tom Hanks in Philadelphia'"

"What do you call a pile of kittens? a meowtain!"

"SEO Expert walks into a bar... An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey..."

"Always check the height of any nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders.... How I learned this is not important..."

"If a girl asks if you think she's fat, say yes. She'll value your honesty. Day 47: I didn't even know we had a basement. Help. You can only regurgitate food and water for so long."

"T-REX: So you going to Tim's surprise party? TIM TRICERATOPS (behind them): My what? RAPTOR: More like Tyrannosaurus Wrecks EVERYTHING"

"Isn't it weird how something that's used as PUNISHMENT as a child becomes a sexual act once we're older? Like oral sex."