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Joke of the Day

"My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines. She's a Singer songwriter."

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"It's impossible to touch your elbows behind your back. You just pushed your boobs towards me."
"*Clark Kent takes his glasses off* Jimmy: ""OMG, it's Superman!"" *Clark puts his glasses back on* ""OMG, Clark! You just missed Superman!"""
"Well, son, when a man loves a woman very much he expresses that love by slowly transforming into a human sloth."
"What's the difference between a chicken and a hen? The spelling."
"How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood? Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear."
"You don't need to hold a girl's hand during an abortion... There's a handrail next to the toilet."
"I'm on a whiskey diet I've lost 3 days already."
"I once met a girl with twelve boobs. Sounds fake, dozen tit?"
"Renewing public sector is like moving a graveyard. You won't get much help from those already there."