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Joke of the Day

"A farmer asks the scarecrow if he likes his job ""Well... this job isn't for everyone..."" the scarecrow ponders, ""but hey... it's in my jeans"""

"What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar? One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore."

"What do you someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!"

"I just got this twitter error: ""The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it."" Apparently, twitter thinks we're married."

"You only live once! So never, ever, do anything risky and fuck this up."

"What does a sandwich filling share in common with Joffrey Lannister? They are both in bread."

"Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because Oct31 = Dec25"

"Whenever people say ""anything is possible"", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree."

"I rented a prostitute for $60 an hour, I paid her 50 cents."

"Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married? A: Newlywebs."