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Joke of the Day

"""If all your friends jumped"" 'Yes' ""But if they"" 'Yes' ""But"" 'IF I EVER GET FRIENDS I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT ME TO, OK MOM?"

"Someone on my FB posted a snap that said ""I'm boared"" And I'm just like....... *don't comment *don't comment *don't comment *don't comment"

"What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath? One has hope in her soul..."

"Women's history isn't a month.... It's only 28 days.... Period."

"What happens when i find a good joke? I reddit."

"Is your ass the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty? Cause your booty is disarming"

"*notices wife has 5 asparagus on her plate while I only have 4* everything ok? ""fine"" [hour later during car ride home] you're speeding"

"[buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it."

"Recently in my town there has been a lot of rain. A local church put this sign on the marquee: ""Tired of the rain?..."" ""... Come find the Son inside!"""

"Can't shake this headache. Perhaps the shaking isn't helping"