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Joke of the Day

"[buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it."

"ActivityBuddy A new app is sweeping the AppStore, using GPS technology similar to Grindr/ Tinder, ActivityBuddy matches up people who enjoy the same activity. The #1 activity? Anonymous gay sex."

"What's the difference between a teenage whore and a Big Mac. One has meat wedged between its buns, and the other's a Big Mac."

"Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? The stamps kept falling off the rocks!"

"I've noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be."

"Did you hear about the guy that got trampled by the triplets? He's six feet under now."

"You know people who call their penis wood? Can they say they have a two-by-fore-skin?"

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays""."

"What is Jack the Rippers favorite restaurant? Chick Fillet"

"Just got arrested in an airport in North Carolina for peeing sitting down in the men's room."