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Joke of the Day

"Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident."

"There's something about curling... ... that rubs me the wrong way."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend He wiped"

"We have to break up. What? Why? It's not Staryu... it's Starmie."

"The only people I know I'm superior to are the ones who announce the break they're taking from Facebook."

"The worst thing about living in the city must be cleaning all the dead parkour people out of your chimney."

"There once was a man from Dupree, Whose limericks ended on line three. I don't know why,"

"Reporter: Is there anything you can do to make people hate you more? Rodger Goodell: Coldplay is doing the Super Bowl halftime show."

"The software development process i can't fix this *crisis of confidence* *questions career* *questions life* oh it was a typo, cool"

"I had a horrible night last night My blow up doll ran off with my air mattress"