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Joke of the Day

"[movie theater] TRAILER ANNOUNCER: how far will one man go.....to protect what he loves ME: [turning to person behind me] pretty far i bet"

"I banged my teenage daughter last night... In the head accidentally with a basketball."

"She was wetter than a down syndromes chin."

"Did you hear about the steak that had too much sodium put on it? It was assalted"

"When I die, I might have an open casket funeral. Remains to be seen."

"Two cannibals are eating Dane Cook. One says to the other, ""does this taste funny"", the other replies ""No""."

"A man asks his wife what she wants for Valentine's Day. ""I want you to get something that will make me look sexy,"" she says. So he goes shopping and returns home with a case of beer."

"Do you ever play a song and then realise you were too distracted to appreciate the beauty of the song so you replay it?"

"I invented a Poem: ""I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs, it digs. We dig, they dig, you dig. It's not very good - but quite deep."

"ME: How much for this aggressive bottle of water? FIREFIGHTER: Sir that's a hydrant"