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Joke of the Day

"As a form of protest against non-moving escalators, I get on and just stand there. Hours sometimes. It's not like I have anywhere to get to."

"I was on the street This guy waved to me, he came up to me and said "" I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else"" And I said ""I am"""

"[God creating pufferfish] How about a terrifying balloon"

"A man fought off a polar bear yesterday using only his cell phone... it was probably a blackberry. The bear was so disgusted he just left."

"Prison guard is a pretty good job. Who's going to steal a prison."

"Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye? A: Just between you and me, something smells down there."

"How are Harambe and the iPhone the same? it only took one extra hole to kill them both"

"GIVE ME FUEL GIVE ME FIRE GIVE ME MILK THAT'S NOT EXPIRED"

"What's the most confusing day in Harlem?? Father's Day."

"So a staircase said something to me the other day... Actually I lied, it just stared at me."