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Joke of the Day

"How do dog catchers get paid? By the Pound!"

"I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.."

"If a soccer player falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it, do they still flail their arms and cry and act like a big dumb baby?"

"Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts."

"Universe's odds of existing? Near impossible. Humanity's odds of existing? Near impossible. My chances at a relationship? Well... I make the other odds look like a 1 in 6 roll on loaded dice."

"What's the technical term for a female-to-male sex change operation? A strapadictomy."

"Twitter - We built this city on block and troll......"

"I'm so happy I'm not as cool as you. Because then I'd be a huge fucking asshole."

"What did Ron Burgandy say when he dropped his waffle on the beach? Go fuck yourself sandy Eggo"

"What's the difference between a large pizza and a bass guitarist? A large pizza can feed a family of four!"