230294

Joke of the Day

"My life will forever be divided into two segments: before I ever used a bidet, and the Age of Enlightenment."

"BREAKING: Hobbit director Peter Jackson's next huge undertaking to be 3-part movie series of The Cheesecake Factory menu."

"My sex life is like Blackjack... I always hit on 16."

"If your new boyfriend carved your initials into a tree on your first date, let the fact he brought a knife be a sign of things to come."

"Where does Trump buy the bricks for the Mexican border? At Wallmart i'll show myself the way out"

"I told my boss that I wanted a raise. The boss, like a jackass, replied, ""How much of a raise do you need to get the job done?"" ""About five gallons of gasoline,"" I replied."

"My wife and I are into S&M She sleeps and I masturbate :("

"Are we sure that we're supposed to look for a human to settle down with? Cause I'm discovering I have much more in common with this blanket."

"How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money? By moving the show to a ""true crime"" channel and calling it ""18 Victims and Counting""."

"I'm writing a book about futurology. It's coming soon."