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Joke of the Day

"My life will forever be divided into two segments: before I ever used a bidet, and the Age of Enlightenment."

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, But i dont know how they would get inside of it!"

"My city was so poor growing up that Planned Parenthood was just a bicycle without a seat."

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!"

"What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

"Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the dirt, then cross back over? Because he's a dirty double crosser."

"What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow? A hybrid"

"Why did Hillary Clinton cross the road? (probably offensive) 9/11"

"Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?! Alexa: Hold my beer!!!"