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Joke of the Day

"im an adult! i make my own bedtimes! i'll stay up all night and function at a fraction of my capacity! like a giant grown-up lethargic baby!"

"Q: Older Brother: ""Hooray! School's out! I'm free! I'm free!"" A: Younger Brother: ""So what? I'm four!"""

"""...any reason why these 2 should not be married, speak now or..."" They're engagement photo only got 21 likes on Facebook! *crowd GASPS*"

"What's black, white, and too fast to see? The perfect mugging."

"Love is blind, said the blind to the deaf I can see that."

"Pretty nice 7 mile run, and I don't even care that that woman passed me because her cane was like a whole extra leg that never gets tired."

"We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter."

"Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli."

"What's more awkward than getting a boner in public? Your girlfriend getting a boner in public."

"Two tomatoes cross the street Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomatoe goes ""Aw, come on... Catch up!"""