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Joke of the Day

"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I'm making... ...then they call me ugly and poor."

"There's only one kind of people in this world 1. who are good at maths 2. who aren't 3. whose dog can come up with a better tweet than this."

"What do you call a foreigner who is obsessed with Chinese culture? A zhuologist"

"I forgive you, but I hope your death is written, produced, and directed by Quentin Tarantino."

"I just broke up with my girlfriend. It's okay though she said we could still be cousins!"

"Is high blood pressure contagious? Because I think I'm getting it from my patients."

"There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial. Its all the rage."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff"

"How many ""friendzoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen."