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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I told her that's a big word for a 7 year old"
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"How many light bulbs does it take to change a man? Just one, if you put it in the right place."
"Shit happens, I mean, look at your face."
"Have you ever heard of the mexican train killer? He had loco motives"
"handsome when there are 3 people it is a threesome. when there are 2 people it is a twosome. thats why you're handsome."
"Is this your resume? ""Yep"" It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away ""Oh yes"" Welcome to UPS!"
"My kids wouldn't stop asking me who my favorite is so I said the dog & now they're crying and I'm like THIS IS WHY THE DOG IS MY FAVORITE."
"My mom just told me she's been watching that ""Game of Thongs"" show. Gawd I hope she's just saying it wrong."
"[1st day as criminal sketch artist] Victim: He was blonde had blue eyes, he was about 6ft t.... Me: I'm gonna need a longer sheet of paper"
"Reese Whitherspoon may have lost her good girl image but she's still got her overinflated self worth..."