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Joke of the Day

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat!"

"Therapist: Do u ever feel like hurting yourself Me: No T: What about other people Me:.....................................................No"

"I started a band call 999 megabytes We haven't got a gig yet."

"What do you call a man with a toe on his knee? Tony"

"After years of cooking, I've found that the best way to prepare brussels sprouts is to throw them away and order pizza."

"I saw on Facebook my ex wanted to get into water sports I recommended waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay"

"1 out of 10 dentists doesn't care what you brush with, he just wants to fondle you while you're gassed."

"[Little Caesar's meeting] ""We need a new, clever slogan"" *everyone looks at Jim* Jim: Um... Pizza...Pizza? ""Jim...U just saved this company"""

"Still can't find my keys. I should probably check the everything bagel."

"Some people prefer to put the thermometer in their mouth, while others prefer it in their rectum. It's a matter of taste!"