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Joke of the Day

"I read that burglars use Twitter & Facebook to see when people arent home. So from now on, Im at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile."

"Mall cop wasn't going to let me park in the handicapped space. Then I showed him pictures of me dancing."

"Why is there no Windows 9? Because 7 8 9"

"Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way."

"I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?"

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special."

"The internet connection on my phone seems to be at its fastest when I've clicked the wrong link."

"So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified."

"Today, I walked into a restaurant. ""Hi, is my table ready?"" ""No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?"" ""No, that's okay."" ""Great, take these salads to table six then."""

"Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't."