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Joke of the Day

"My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is... I said No Doubt"

"Say what you want about Bill Clinton's Presidency... But he was always hard at work."

"Don't just upgrade Windows 8 Up-upgrade it."

"Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake? A: It did $100 million worth of improvements."

"How do you cut the Roman empire in half? You use a pair of Caesars"

"Keep death off our roads Drive on the pavement. . ."

"After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US is about to unleash its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date...the American tourist."

"Talking to retirees in the complex. They don't care how many followers I have. They're all ""D-Day this, Iwo Jima that."" Guh. UNFOLLOW."

"My gf texted me ""myspacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"" Do any of you know what ""ternative"" means?"

"""Wanna hear a joke about being shot by the police?"" ""No thanks, I get depressed by black humour."" Maybe I should cross-post this to /r/ImGoingToHellForThis"