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Joke of the Day

"I used to use alcohol as a crutch at parties Now it's more like Stephen Hawking's computer-chair"

"Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up & play dead and they usually leave you alone."

"Hillary got 60% of the black's votes in Alabama That's right, not a single vote for Bernie."

"I always get ""never shake a baby"" and ""cats always land on their feet"" mixed up. Anyways I need a lawyer."

"When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, ""So, what did she say?"" I'm funny that way."

"My face is so oily I'm afraid the U.S. is going to invade it"

"Is your ass the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty? Cause your booty is disarming"

"When does Sean Connery like to show up at Wimbeldon? Tennish."

"The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier."

"""Apology not accepted"" - what to say if you want to fight in Canada"