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Joke of the Day

"*checks watch* *gets up off toilet* I don't have time for this shit"

"What's the difference between being hard at work and being hard at work. ...you can't be the latter if you're a teacher"

"I was wondering why it gets bright even before I see the sun rise in the morning. Then it dawned on me."

"I often call my stepson a ""bitch"" and my stepdaughter a ""dickhead"" to show them the importance of gender equality."

"got my blood test results back today, and it's just as i feared. my body is filled with a ton of blood."

"What do you call Nicki Minaj's buttcrack? Silicone Valley"

"The 1st rule of Female Fight Club is: You didn't hear this from me! Seriously do NOT tell anyone I told you, I promised I wouldn't tell."

"Why don't the other DC heroes like Nightwing? He's always being a dick to them."

"""I spent 150 dollars on a penis enlarger and they sent me a magnifying glass."""

"*catcher puts 1 finger down* *pitcher shakes head* *puts 2 fingers down* *nods* (catcher to umpire) ""can we take a break? he has to poop"""