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Joke of the Day
"What do you call Nicki Minaj's buttcrack? Silicone Valley"
Next Joke
"So Jack helps you off the horse. Will you help Jack off the horse?"
"What does it sound like when two old people have sex? Snap, crackle, pop."
"I just killed like a dozen carpenter ants and now I have no idea what I'm going to do with all these little tool belts."
"Why did the H blow itself up? Because the Jihad."
"What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars? Astronomical"
"I used to crush cans for a living, didn't like it though... It was soda pressing."
"Don't compare whales to feminists... It's very offensive to whales"
"*loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!"
"Me: Don't tell me you've never thought about having sex with me. Her: No, I never have.... Me: I asked you not to tell me that."