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Joke of the Day

"So I was fingering my sister the other day. She said ""wow you do it just like dad!"" I replied ""thats what mom said"" then I found my brothers wedding ring."

"It's been a big year for my ten-year-old. Two months ago, he attended his first confession.... .... It took the cops four hours to break him. He's got some willpower, that kid!"

"I hate being bipolar it's awesome"

"Are birth control pills deductible? Only if they don't work."

"They say attractiveness is relative... my cousin seemed to disagree"

"Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside"

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you have a bad memory."" Me: ""I said that?"""

"What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Not 6. My basement is still dark."

"The main thing I want this holiday season is for someone to wake me when it's over."