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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy Until someone helped me think it through. Turns out, two heads are better than one."

"What's the most efficient way to break up with someone? Murder. I had to post this to r/jokes to keep from implicating myself"

"Friend asked me a personal question: Do I ever stick it in my girlfriend's... you know... her other hole? Ew no, she might get pregnant that way."

"I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight."

"Teacher: 24 + x + 30 = 90. Find x. Student: It's between 24 and 30."

"what did one lesbian vampire say to the other? same time next month? (hopefully not a repost)"

"A feminist and a Muslim walk into a bar. - Comedy removed due to copyright claim"

"Dilemma If you had to choose between your wife or a million dollars, which car would you buy first?"

"What did the dick say to the balls? You two wait outside."

"If all the good ones are taken and you are single, what does that make you?"