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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy Until someone helped me think it through. Turns out, two heads are better than one."

"What did the pig say when his brother rolled on him? ""Heavy!"""

"If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you'll be if you're breaking a chair on someone's head every day."

"I was thinking about sharing a joke about the Boston Marathon Bombings But there are just some lines that should not be crossed"

"Cute guy: Is this seat taken? Me: (ok, play it cool) No. *smiles* Him: *takes chair away*"

"They should put ads on slow people."

"Q: What's yellow and 1454 feet tall? A: The Empire State Banana."

"How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer? With dog diskettes!"

"I just ate a silica salt packet and I've been using a plastic bag as a toy because I live life on the motherfucking edge."

"You can call me a narcissist... Just make sure you say my name."