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Joke of the Day

"nurse: are you allergic to any medicine? me: laughter nurse: hahaha. OH MY GOD- me [face swelling up]: i thold thou."

"Why did the janitor get fired from the bank? Because he cleaned out the vault."

"Obama said our ship has come in. We're just now realizing it was hardship."

"It's the worst night of the year for my dog and cat... Their names are Pots and Pans."

"A priest and a rabbi... A priest and a rabbi see a young boy. Priest: ""Let's fuck him."" Rabbi: ""Out of what?"""

"If your dog has fleas and you hear ticks, what should you do? Make a vet appointment for both of you."

"Whenever a fast food employee reads my order back to me I always say, ""did you just call me fat?"" They love that."

"I accidentally sent everyone in my address book a naked picture of myself It cost a fortune in stamps"

"I dreamt I was in a very magical world where people didn't get butthurt over every little f*cking joke. Weird huh?!?!"

"A man enters a pun contest... He writes down 10 puns and puts them into a hat thinking at least one of them would win. Sadly, no pun in 10 did."