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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally sent everyone in my address book a naked picture of myself It cost a fortune in stamps"

"*buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn"

"I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter. ."

"What do you call someone who take things literally A kleptomaniac!"

"If I had a dollar for every racist thing I ever said I'd be rich as a Jew."

"Dad: Tall latte Barista: Sure thing. Can I get a name? Dad: What your parents didn't give you one? *all the other dad's give him high fives*"

"Why did the hipster burn himself while eating pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool."

"I know I'm supposed to be outraged about this whole NSA phone tapping scandal, but I've got to admit, its a little refreshing that after a decade of marriage, someone is finally listening to me."

"My new truck is older than my girlfriend... Its ok though a 12 year old truck still has a lot if life left."

"Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I ""experimented"" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please"