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Joke of the Day

"A creationist puts his glases on and says: ""Evolution can't be real, just look at the human eye!! It's too perfect to be just chance!"""

"Sorry kids, Santa isn't real. If he was, he'd be an obese pedophile, felon, and elf slave owner. Seriously though, Merry Christmas."

"I'm about 20% more confident when chewing gum."

"She told me my analogies didn't make any sense. It seriously made me feel like a biscuit in an elevator."

"You guys wanna hear a joke? Lil Wayne"

"Why bachelors are skinner than married men A bachelor goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, sighs, goes to bed. A married man goes into the bedroom, lifts the blanket, sighs, goes to the fridge."

"I tried to stop cussing for like five months... But I said fuck it."

"I accidentally bought regular Cheerios instead of Honey Nut and now my breakfast tastes like I'm attending a party sober."

"Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed."

"My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem."