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Joke of the Day

"Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts."

"What do you do when you see a space man? You park, man."

"""All black people are Aiwa, and all jews are Technics."" ""Those are just stereo types."""

"Realized woman behind me at self-checkout line was from DMV. Made her wait 4 hours for her turn. Revenge is sweet."

"If your online dating profile says ""I don't have sex on the first date"" then that's why you're on a dating website."

"I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??"

"A dog was giving birth on the side of the road... She was cited with littering."

"I just tore a dumpling in half It was wonton destruction"

"[NSFW] I wanted to make a gay joke... butt fuck it."

"2016 is on such a high kill streak I'm worried for when it's going to unlock nukes"