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Joke of the Day
"Shakespeare was a good sport... He ended all his sonnets with gg."
Next Joke
"What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding."
"Could you play us a song? Cat Stevens: Maybe. *Sets guitar on table* Cat Stevens: *Maintains eye contact-slowly pushes guitar off table*"
"Monday mornings shouldn't start until noon."
"Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!"
"My wife walked out on me, telling me it was over. I just sat there eating my popcorn, watching the end credits."
"The only thing more shocking than finding water on planet Mars would be finding me in Planet Fitness."
"My dad was going out. He told me to watch the fire I said ""no thanks, I've seen it before"""
"Women 15 to 65 At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE. At 25, she is the RIGHT PRIZE. At 35,she is a GRAND PRIZE. At 45,she is a CONSOLATION PRIZE. At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and at 65,she is a GIVEAWAY PRIZE"
"Guys, it could be worse. Male random baldness could have been a thing."